Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Totally Random

I want one of those Star Trek food replicator thingies. I love the word thingies; it works well in so many different situations. WAIT, unless I would still have to grocery shop to fill that darn replicator. 'Cause that wouldn't really be saving me any time would it? Because as a single mom with 5 teenagers (Andrew still counts even though he's 9 time zones away, right?) everything I buy is do-it-yourself stuff that goes straight from the freezer to the oven/microwave. And the great thing is that my children think they know how to cook! When really all I taught them how to do is operate the oven/microwave and read the instructions on the box. And they "do-it-themselves" whenever they get home from school/practice/work, we call them yoyo's (your on your own). THAT way when I come home from work and one of the kids asks me what's for dinner I can honestly give them that blank stare that says, You must be joking right? Is it a holiday? Is it Sunday? Do I have a pizza in my hand? And even if it is Sunday and there might (very slight chance here) be something in the crockpot... I love how my spellchecker doesn’t like the word crockpot. It wants to change it to crackpot. What's it trying to tell me? But even if there is something in the crockpot only about half of the kids will eat it anyway. (Don't ask me what half of 5 is, because you KNOW that 2.5 kids is the average family size) Which means that some of them will still be having yoyo’s. Because, I don’t force them to eat what I cook. I’m a picky eater who has taught my kids to be picky eaters. It’s a conspiracy see. If picky eaters everywhere could PLEASE raise their children to be picky eaters too, we could eventually take over the world. Or, if one of you could invent something that would combine the freezer and the microwave into one appliance THAT would actually save me a step. This epitome of laziness (I’ll think of a better name later) could have glass doors so I wouldn't even have to open the door to decide what I want. See, now I’ve saved myself TWO steps! I was thinking about this last night after I got home from grocery shopping. I had noted on my Facebook status that I was grocery shopping because my kids think they need to eat everyday or something. And some of you replied to my status and I wanted to put this long story/novel of a response after your responses. (Is that arrogant, responding to your own message? Is it like saying I have a lot to say… about what I just said?) Anyway, I was trying to post my response from my phone, but I was REJECTED! It told me that I was not authorized to respond to my own status! So apparently it IS arrogant and Facebook does not allow arrogance in status responses. Either that or it was just way too long. But, in this case rejection was good, because what I was really supposed to be doing was reading my Sunday School lesson for next Sunday. The topic is personal revelation (you know, like answers to prayers) (I love teaching) and I was definitely distracted by Facebook and the Cotton Eyed Joe that was blaring from the other room where my daughters were doing there own unrecognizable version of the dance. Hmm, maybe I can work that in as an object lesson. You know, how the Holy Ghost can’t tell us anything if we aren’t listening. Because it has a still, small voice and can’t be shouting over Facebook and the Cotton Eyed Joe. Either that or I need to start researching ADD. And I apologize here and now to all of my children who had to resort to getting there stepmom or grandmother or wasting one of their precious high school electives on a Foods class to learn how to cook or sew or any of the other homemaking skills that NORMAL Mormon’s are supposed to know at birth. And a special thanks to Jayme, the Grandmas and all the teachers who graciously taught what I did not.

8 comments:

Jeanette said...

As much as this was a rant and rave session, I though it was completely hilarious! Thanks for sharing your aspiring ideas to be more lazy for those of us who have NO idea how to cook! Loved it!

Jennifer Boston Mendenhall said...

I never said I COULDN'T cook, just that I choose NOT to, that's an exercise of my agency. I'm very out of practice, though, with my cooking, not my agency, THAT I exercise regularly.

And apparently the running commentary in my head is either fragments or run-ons neither of which is appreciated by the spelling/grammer checker.

And you don't need caffeine or sugar to be a spaz.

Bon said...

That was a crackup Jennifer. How funny, but so true, kids can be picky, I am the mean mom that says this is dinner eat it or pick out what you don't like. I love to cook, but won't cook 7 different meeals to make them all happy and usually one meal makes at least 5 out of the 7 people happy. I really hate picky eaters, as I like 95% of everything, onions, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, seafood, olives I like it all. I can only think of a few things that I WON'T eat. K Now I am writing a blog on your comments, LOL. Anyway so funny, good job.

Jennifer Boston Mendenhall said...

Mean, mean Mommy. Gagging or throwing up in my plate got me out of the old "eat everything on your plate" thing, worked everytime. And it wasn't even faked. To this day just the smell of cooked spinach still makes me gag. And I will always love my brother who would eat my spinach if I would eat his lettuce. Sh, don't tell him what an uneven trade that is.

Bon said...

Ya throwing up isn't a good thing, my daughter would throw up but not because she didn't like the food, she has a gag reflex, but think we have it undercontrol. that is funny, my kids love spinach, we grow it in the garden, and they beg me for it. Your parents had their hands full with you picky eaters, I thought they usualy outgrew that when they became adults but I guess not, LOL

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Dropped by here because of Sue's carnival and just wanted to say that my parents just got home in Novemeber from their mission in Durban. Small world.

Scott said...

Jennifer,,,, that was hilarious. I don't think I've heard you say,,, or write,, so many words at one time in your life. You were always the quiet one, at least around me. Maybe your mind is so busy it doesn't know what to say, or have too much to say. Uh,, I think we are a like. lol. That was funny,,, and true Bonnie. Love ya sis. Jennifer, keep up the good work,,,, you should be an online comedian. I'm laughing my,,, lol. Take care. Scott

Jennifer Boston Mendenhall said...

I'm a one hit wonder.

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